We discuss dieting and the feelings of jealousy and resentment that can arise as a result of (1) your own feelings towards your diet, and (2) pressure from other people.
The topic came up as Scott thought of a story about a client who signed up for coaching. This client told Scott, “I don’t want to compete but want to look like someone who looks like they could step on stage any time.” Being in that kind of condition is not easy, and on top of this, they had 40 lbs to lose, so in any case it was going to be awhile. About 6 weeks in the client was frustrated, and they told Scott, “I should be allowed to go out to dinner with my husband once a week!” Scott now thinks of this kind of thinking as JOMO.
A key to what we were talking about ended up being related to feeling as though you “deserve” X, Y or Z. As in, “I deserve a cheat day.” For example, consider the Cycle Diet. There’s a time when your body physiologically needs a refeed. But then there’s just telling yourself that you “deserve” it. Now, it is reasonable to have an off-diet meal or even a day when you’re dieting down and you know that your body doesn’t physiologically need it. This is especially true if you have a lot of weight to lose and it’s taking months. But you just have to be real about what you're doing.
Peer or social pressure can exacerbate these feelings. Part of the problem is that with peer pressure, there’s a very weird thing that happens where the onus of being a jerk falls on you, even though it's the other people that are pressuring you. By refusing to take a hint, it's possible for others to put you in a situation where you feel as though you're the one who has to break social norms in order to simply and politely say, “no.”
Dealing or Preventing with JOMO
- First, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. First step is acknowledging the resentment.
- You want to let go of things beyond your control. Sometimes this is as simple as “changing the channel.” (Note from Mike: and making that a skill/habit.)
- Try to reframe your thoughts/feelings in a way where you’re not full resentful. This is, again, a skill.
A lot of the discussion had to do with unrealistic expectations. Mike pointed out that this is partly due to the fitness industry and its own BS. He mentioned this post on Instagram from Rob McElhenney (read his comments!):
View this post on Instagram
Look, it’s not that hard. All you need to do is lift weights six days a week, stop drinking alcohol, don’t eat anything after 7pm, don’t eat any carbs or sugar at all, in fact just don’t eat anything you like, get the personal trainer from Magic Mike, sleep nine hours a night, run three miles a day, and have a studio pay for the whole thing over a six to seven month span. I don’t know why everyone’s not doing this. It’s a super realistic lifestyle and an appropriate body image to compare oneself to. #hollywood